How could I embilish this?

I love this! I hope it won't evolve into a twilight prototype.. you really have your own style in this. I was hooked straight from the first sentence! Oh, by the way, you can post it here : a href="http://writerfriendly.webs.com/" rel="nofollow"http://writerfriendly.webs.com//a and get advice and suggestions. Though, don't worry, it's all free, no charge. Hope I see this on there soon!~*